Can we turn simple moments of connection into the emotional building blocks our children need to thrive?

As we move through life, we often end up gathering hidden wounds that quietly shape how we see the world. While many of these early experiences stay with us forever, they do not have to define the limits of what we’re capable of. In one of our latest podcast episodes, clinical psychologist Dr. Christy Wise explores how teaching socio-emotional skills early on can help foster the internal safety and self-worth children need to thrive in their relationships for a lifetime.

YOUR PRESCRIPTION TO START TODAY

For parents: 

• High/Low/Medium: At the end of the day, sit down with your child and ask them to identify one part of their day that was good (“high”), one part that was not so good (“low”), and one part that was just okay (“medium”). Take the time to explore each moment using open-ended questions like “How did that make you feel?” or “What would you have liked to happen instead?”. This practice helps create a judgment-free space for honest reflection, fostering children’s autonomy and ability to navigate life’s many ups and downs.

• Mission Control: At the start of a new month, have your child choose a personal goal and something that will keep them motivated throughout! For example, dinner at their favorite restaurant if they reach their goal (reward) or no video games the next month if they do not (consequence). Letting your child lead the discussion builds competence and ensures you’re working as a team rather than opponents, promoting future collaboration.

For teachers: 

• Object X: Hold up a random object (like a stapler) and ask your students to suggest alternative uses for it. Encourage them to be as creative as possible and to build on each other’s ideas! By making the intended purpose of the object (e.g., stapling papers) the only "incorrect" answer, you can help foster divergent thinking and collaborative play in a fun and safe way.

• “I Wonder” Wall: Create a dedicated space in the classroom for questions that don't have easy answers like “What does it feel like to be inside a cloud?” or “Can plants hear us when we talk to them?”. Encourage your students to anonymously write their question down on a sticky note and add it to the wall (or write it down for them if they’re still learning how to write). Once a week, pick a question to discuss as a class for 5–10 minutes. This activity allows students to take charge of their learning while fostering open-mindedness and peer-to-peer connection. Pro tip: you can model intellectual humility by adding your own "I wonders" to the wall too!

For athletic coaches:

• Post-Game Pulse: At the end of a practice session, split the players up into small groups and have them brainstorm one thing the team did well and one thing that could be improved. Rather than singling out individuals, encourage the players to use "We" statements. After a few minutes, bring everyone back together again to discuss as a group. This type of collaborative decision-making safeguards individual self-esteem while fostering a sense of teamwork and shared responsibility.

• Team Frequency: Create a warmup and/or cool down playlist based on player’s suggestions (sent ahead of time via e-mail, “suggestion box”, etc.). To really highlight different perspectives, you can occasionally set a theme like “A song that reminds you of home” or “A song in a language other than English”. This turns a routine practice session into a celebration of diversity, allowing players to share their unique backgrounds and experiences free of judgement. As an added benefit, the mere act of listening to music may help boost their motivation, physical performance, and psychological resilience!¹

Summary (for all who work with youth): 

As children grow up, they don’t just listen to what adults say, they watch how we live. That’s why it's important for us to model positive socio-emotional behaviors across all settings—whether at home, in the classroom, or on the field. By staying curious, celebrating diverse perspectives, and being brave enough to own our mistakes, we can teach the next generation that personal growth is a lifelong journey. When we lead with this kind of emotional intelligence as adults, we ultimately give children the blueprint they need to bridge differences, cultivate empathy, and build healthier relationships now and in the future.

THE MECHANISM: HOW DO WE KNOW THIS PRESCRIPTION WORKS?

Self-Determination Theory (SDT) is an evidence-based framework used to understand human motivation and social development. SDT suggests that motivation stems from three universal psychological needs: autonomy, competence, and relatedness.²

Autonomy is feeling like your choices and behaviors are driven by your personal values and interests rather than external factors. Moments of connection like Mission Control and Object X support children’s autonomy by encouraging them to explore their own thoughts, feelings, and ideas in a safe, non-judgmental environment. Competence is about feeling like your actions are effective and lead to positive outcomes. Activities like High/Low/Medium and “I Wonder” Wall help build emotional and intellectual competence, respectively, encouraging children to take control of their choices, behaviors, and reactions and lean into their natural curiosity. Relatedness is the desire to feel connected to and understood by others. It acts as a foundation for empathy and perspective-taking, which ultimately contribute to prosocial behaviors. Team-based practices like Post-Game Pulse and Team Frequency help cultivate this sense of belonging by encouraging children to respect and value each other’s ideas and contributions.

Importantly, the academic literature supports the application of SDT across diverse contexts including parenting, education, physical education, workplaces, and even healthcare!³

CAPSuLe FOR GLOBAL CHANGE

Raising our children to be emotionally intelligent requires a commitment at all levels: personal, structural, and political. The Prescription presented in this blog post represents a roadmap for how we can begin to implement some of these changes in our own lives. However, socio-emotional skills are something that all children deserve to learn, regardless of their home environment and upbringing, which is why incorporating these (or similar) practices into school curricula will be an important step for ensuring widespread benefit.^4,5 Moreover, including information about socio-emotional learning into training materials for teachers and coaches will ensure that they have the foundation needed to lead these types of activities effectively. At the policy level, an internal reporting or auditing system will be important to ensure consistent uptake across schools and to assess the ongoing effectiveness of the curriculum, with appropriate changes being made if necessary. Ensuring that experts like Dr. Christy Wise are involved at all steps of the curriculum development and implementation process will also ensure that any recommendations being made are evidence-based and consistent with the latest research. By fostering autonomy, competence, and relatedness in children, we are not only promoting their socio-emotional development, we are also setting them up for positive outcomes throughout life!

WORKS CITED

1. Becan S, Serkan Burgul N, Cenkova N, et al. The effects of listening to music in sports activities on psychological resilience, physical strength performance and motivation in terms of mental health. Front Psychol. 2025;16:1644517. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2025.1644517

2. Ryan, RM, & Deci, EL. Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. Am Psychol, 2000;55(1):68–78

3. Ryan, RM, Duineveld, JJ, Di Domenico, SI, Ryan, WS, Steward, BA, & Bradshaw, EL. We know this much is (meta-analytically) true: A meta-review of meta-analytic findings evaluating self-determination theory. Psychol Bull. 2022;148(11-12):813-842. doi:10.1037/bul0000385

4. Durlak JA, Weissberg RP, Dymnicki AB, Taylor RD, Schellinger KB. The impact of enhancing students' social and emotional learning: a meta-analysis of school-based universal interventions. Child Dev. 2011;82(1):405-432. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8624.2010.01564.x

5. Cipriano C, Strambler MJ, Naples LH, et al. The state of evidence for social and emotional learning: A contemporary meta-analysis of universal school-based SEL interventions. Child Dev. 2023;94(5):1181-1204. doi:10.1111/cdev.13968