Can We Teach Resilience in the Home, on the Field, & in the Classroom?

We can. This blog post recaps an interview with a field expert in clinical psychology, Dr. Michele Borba, and consolidates research to guide your actions as you aim to equip the children and teens in your life to not just manage, but triumph against, life adversity.

YOUR PRESCRIPTION TO START TODAY

For parents: 

1. Implement the “morning failure routine”. At the start of each day, speak with (or text!) your child(ren) and have everyone share one failure they’ll aspire for that day (i.e., a challenging task that will be welcomed, prompting struggle and learning).

2. Implement a weekly “stumbling block party”. Before each new week encourage reflection regarding what your child(ren) is/are MOST worried about for the week ahead. Where is it that they doubt themself? Once identified, help them to create a strategic plan to receive as much practice as possible of that exact stumbling block but in lower pressure environments throughout the upcoming week. Create a maximally safe environment for this meeting by including some of your child(ren)’s favorite snacks and games in the weekly meeting.

For teachers & coaches: 

1. Model your own failure (and overcoming it!). When you make a mistake, no matter how small, state it out loud along with what you’ll do differently in the future to avoid the same outcome.

2. Create “no-rescue challenges”. Have students work in groups on tasks that are creative and fun, yet slightly beyond their current ability level. They should not succeed easily! Leave things ambiguous intentionally, but state that “no-rescue” rules means they cannot ask you any questions throughout the task. This means that they are forced to figure it out themselves (which is what we want).

Summary (for all who work with youth): We should be intentional about encouraging young people to observe failure, practice failure, and identify reasons for (and solutions to) failure. We should be creative in how we implement these lessons, and we should embed them in environments that feel maximally safe. Make it fun, make it low stakes, and make sure that trust (in you as the deliverer) comes first!

THE MECHANISM: HOW DO WE KNOW THIS PRESCRIPTION WORKS?

The brain is wired to adapt and change when there is a mismatch between expectation and outcome (¹). This effect is more pronounced when the mismatch occurs in a context of high meaning (²) and when there is no mechanism of escape from the task (e.g., a parent or teacher stepping in) (³). A failed task, or challenge, is an example of a high meaning mismatch between expectation and outcome.

Adaptation and learning are amplified by observation of others (⁴). The human brain has evolutionarily coded machinery to observe others around us and to reorient acute activity to mimic the observed agent (⁵). Social learning mechanisms are most active when the observed agent is both impressionable and accessible (^6,7), meaning they are a role model who shows their imperfections and errors authentically.

The Prescription above encompasses these scientific principles, outlining an approach we’ll call “adaptive failure modeling”.

CAPSuLe FOR GLOBAL CHANGE

Much of this piece can be summarized by the need to normalize failure’s role in the learning process. Resilient people, or “thrivers”, as Dr. Borba terms them, will be developed when failure is made safe, such that escape is unnecessary.

At the level of public policy, pre-existing curricula structures can mandate the inclusion and reporting of lessons and activities such as those described above. At the school and organizational level, actionable guides for resilience can be written into educator onboarding processes. At the individual level and in the home, we can sprinkle in the simple steps we described—like failure modeling—right away. We can learn more through sources from developmental psychologists like Thrivers by Dr. Michele Borba.

WORKS CITED

1. Wise RA. Dopamine, learning and motivation. Nat Rev Neurosci. 2004;5(6):483-494. doi:10.1038/nrn1406 

2. Dhawale AK, Smith MA, Ölveczky BP. The Role of Variability in Motor Learning. Annu Rev Neurosci. 2017;40(Volume 40, 2017):479-498. doi:10.1146/annurev-neuro-072116-031548 

3. Shors TJ. Stressful Experience and Learning Across the Lifespan. Annu Rev Psychol. 2006;57:55-85. doi:10.1146/annurev.psych.57.102904.190205 

4. Bandura_SocialLearningTheory.pdf. Accessed March 21, 2026. https://www.asecib.ase.ro/mps/Bandura_SocialLearningTheory.pdf 

5. The mirror neuron system: New frontiers: Social Neuroscience: Vol 3, No 3-4. Accessed March 21, 2026. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17470910802408513?utm_source=chatgpt.com 

6. Lockwood P, Kunda Z. Superstars and me: Predicting the impact of role models on the self. J Pers Soc Psychol. 1997;73(1):91-103. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.73.1.91 

7. Markus H, Nurius P. Possible selves. Am Psychol. 1986;41(9):954-969. doi:10.1037/0003-066X.41.9.954